I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
