I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
