You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
