a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
