Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
This beer is not sobering me up at all
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
