I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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