If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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