i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
