some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
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