Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
...so i touched it.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
