Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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