"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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