I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Randomize
