I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
