She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
