I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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