Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
