oh god the rape fog is back!
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
