This girl is more easily done than said...
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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