I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
