You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
