About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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