Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
