it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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