You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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