Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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