Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
