If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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