btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
