my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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