You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
