U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
