I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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