If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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