she woke up with a sticky ear
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
