I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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