Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
