I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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