Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
