I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
