Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
