I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
