your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize