you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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