So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
