There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
