Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
