its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
