mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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