I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
