We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
