apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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