Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
