This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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