she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
