I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
