Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
