forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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