T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
