Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Randomize
