I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
