so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
