4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
