he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
