I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize