there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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