Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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