How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
