I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I got inside last night via doggy door
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
