He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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