Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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